This is my first proper post on this site and hopefully it wont be the last.
As of writing I have finished my art school admission portfolio and are just waiting for the submission period to start so I can send it off and be done with it.
Working on this portfolio was my first ever try at making a bunch of “finished art”, while saying that might sound strange knowing that I have been doing art since the 4th quarter of 2018. I can’t over look that this (making finished art) has been and still kinda is my biggest white whale in art.
Since I started I always had ideas for pieces but my fear of failure always stopped me from actually making anything fully. I’d always abandon ideas in the sketch stage and go back to doing studies. My thought process at the time was “I will make finished work when I’m good at art”. Which, as I don’t really need to tell you, a poision that hurt my progress like nothing else.
A good chunk of the time I put to doing studies has gone to waste as I really didn’t apply anything that I was learning. Couple that with the fact that most of my studies (especially at the start of my journey) was really nothing more than just me copying what I’m looking at with little to know effort being spent to actually understand what I was seeing. No breaking down of form, no acknowledgement of the perspective, no real thought spent on how I will actually use the information I was “learning” for any sort of purpose. just mindless copying most of the time. And unfortunately this idiotic waste of time dragged on for a good three years, finally being overtaken after watching some of Kim jung Gi‘s (Rest his soul) videos online where he talks about his thought process and his way of breaking down subjects into understandable, simpiler forms, that then he can recall from his memory and apply his understanding of the fundamentals to draw them in any view or angle he wanted.
His thinking process is what took me out of the swamp of copying and allowed me to make actual progress finally. However, unfortunately, the timing wasn’t the best. I only started art in my final year of highschool. Which allowed me plenty of time to put into art, following finish high school I had a 8 month period of where I was a NEET and had all the time in the world to draw, which I didn’t really use well, as I was still in the swamp of copying and really didn’t understand how precious that time was and how I will never be able to have a chance like it again.
After that was finished I had to do my mandatory enrollment in the army, which spanned 2 years and 8 months of which I had barely any time to put into my art, or anything else really. This all resualted in me not being able to put the time I want to into art and being exhuasted enough that when free time came I used it mostly to rest, at times I’d be so tried that I’d sleep for 15 hours a day or only ever get out of bed to answer nature’s call or eat.
So while I was bettering my mindset and process I still didn’t over come my fears of failure and the time I had to spend actually drawing become less and less abundent. This all culminated to what I am today. a very mediocre (hell ever less than mediocre) artist.
But I hope that if I manage to get into art school I’ll be able to make that snowball of progress to start rolling. I of course have no illusion that art school itself will be the main reason I improve rather I am most excited about the fact that I’ll be able to have 4 year where, hopefully, I can apply myself fully to art. A period where I am an artist, rather than a soldier doing art on the side or a blue collar worker doing art on the side. A full time art student putting all of his time into making art. If I’m able to do that then I am sure I’ll make at least some progress.
I’ll talk more in some other posts but for now this is the portfolio I’ll be sending off come the time.